i have nothing to smile about.

my car got hit today. stoked.
haven't heard from you in 2 days. stoked.
really tired and complainy. stoked.

I'm not sure what to write.

Sometimes you make my heart skip.
And we reach out and touch and it's like
Children to outlets, and flames from a match.
You always fall asleep before I do.
I'd tell you why, but these days
Avoiding being burned is so much more manifesto
Than the joy of singing my favorite sad songs.
You don't know them, but I do.
I love to sing along.
But I'm calling them coy and
I'm calling them cattle and
I'm trying to take them to the backyard,
Six bullets to the head and I will be out of harm.
Just so I won't need to know the melody,
Just so I won't need to know those sad songs anymore.
I can't quite throw caution to the wind;
It's got pretty decorations and if I hold on to it,
Maybe in a few years it'll be worth somethin'.
But here you are, and you're holding on to me.
Sometimes I'm so scared about my timing and delivery,
That I forget about patience for applause and recognition,
And focus more on retribution and condition.
But the more I ramble on, the more I think that...
I'd tell you more, but you always fall asleep before me.

Should I stay or should I go now?

You make this so hard.
God, you (are but) aren't helping (as I'm writing this.)
I know you're going to see him, I hope you tell me.
This is so hard because I care about you, a lot, in such a short period of time.
And you aren't even sure of who you are.
Which begs the question, how can I care for someone who doesn't know who they are?
I'm not sure, but I do know that I do care. And I know that you can be the .woman of
God that you're trying to be.
Maybe that's what makes this so hard on me is that I know what you're working to
And I know it's going to take time. And I know that everything you felt for me at one
Point has the equal and greater chance of vanishing just like all the rest.
Lord, I wasn't lying tonight, I don't want to hurt again.
I did this to myself but I really don't want to listen to the Rancid song where they say
"Good morning heartache, you're like an old friend, come to see me again,"
And relate.
But Lord if you want me to be patient, I'll be patient. I'll not ask for another w0rd.
I just wish I could shut up long enough to hear you speak...